On my return, I was told that not much had happened while I was away.  It depends what you are looking at.  Yes, the old burnt-out shell of the “Hello Mister” supermarket has been razed to the ground after several years in its burnt-out state.  Yes, the Harbour View cafe is open again and yes, “Fat Boys” bar now has the sign up saying “Fat Boys”.  And yes, there are tons of road drainage works going on around town. But while away, I had more critical problems to attend to.

My holiday strategy was to take away the oldest most decrepit items of underwear with the aim of updating while in an advanced region called Europe.  This also saves on washing (5 washes by my carefully constructed plan).  So in Lisbon, I make my first purchase and choose my size (noting the signs denying the option to try them on for size).  The cashier insisted that I had selected way too big and convinced me to drop a size.  (Maybe Portuguese men pack a little more and Euro sizes are a bit bigger or maybe she was trying to crack on to me.)   So I dropped sizes and you guessed it, found I had acquired 3 pairs of nutchokers for about USD5 each.  Next day while on the tourist trail, I nearly passed out.

In an attempt to recover the situation, several days later I noticed grundies (ie mens underwear) in a “Chinese 2 Euro shop”.  Not to be fooled, I chose the biggest size available (XXL) and parted with my USD2 per pair.  Thinking I knew that Asian sizes were vastly different to western sizes, I thought I had it.  Nope, another 2 pairs of nutchokers and another day of occasional verbal squeaks.

The couple of days jetlag therapy in Bali on the way back meant I could perform the final recovery of the situation.  Another 3-pack at USD1 per pair from a large department store seemed to be the go.  I noted the sizes, noted the sign denying one the option to try them on and …….

8 pairs of nutchokers for sale.  3 pairs used.  Best offer.  I may as well go down to Audian and try my luck.